had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
