Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
