Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
