So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
