No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The power of my boobs compel you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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