Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
