I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
