Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
