I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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