i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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