He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
