I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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