Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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