Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You made out with two different species that night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
