I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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