For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize