that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
