Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
