I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
