i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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