i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize