My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
