So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
