white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
