It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
