Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
