Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
