Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
last night I used snow as a chaser
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