hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
