I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
