first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
