I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
