you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ladies don't puke and tell
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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