then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Never underestimate the power of titties
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
