yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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