I puked a lego.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
