no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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