I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do herpes really smell.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
