you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
