i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
