I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize