WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
