Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
