I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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