I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
