you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
