I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
