Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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