fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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