I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i now understand why vodka
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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