wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
