and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
