I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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