I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
