I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
