I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
