Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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