and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
