i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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