dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dick very happy bro
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
