Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
