I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
