Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
