I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
