Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
