The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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