i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
