Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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