Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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