He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
