The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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