whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
